I did not accept bribes from Jack Abramoff. Not that any were offered. In fact, if he had offered me a bribe, I probably would have taken it. But then again, what could I do for Jack Abramoff? It's not like I have any influence with anyone. The best I could do would be to pick up his Starbuck's order. Speaking of indentured servitude, remember these guys?
P.S. I did not have sex with Monica Lewinsky, either.